Canto CCCXLVI: Lessons from People Who Have Hated Me, Pt. 1?

Gentle cabrones:

If you’re someone like me, you get haters.

It’s a living. It’s pretty fun!

Haters read you religiously. They create an elaborate profile of you — complete with motivations, foundational moments, and agenda — that they share with others and that rarely lines up to reality. They hate you so much that they don’t mind looking like pendejxs if that means telling the world how much they hate you, because only THEY know the truth about YOU.

With haters like that, who needs fans?

They make up a minority of the people I know who read me (most people who read me tend to like what I write; a smaller portion don’t really care; the super-vast majority of folks no idea who I am — like, 99.99999% of people). I hear from my pathetic fanboys every day, respond to their rants, and summarily put them in my spam folder, because who has time for hate?

But sometimes…they stick with you. Not because of the hate they give, but the lessons you learn from them.

Because when life gives you lemons, make lemon curd.

So who has hated me?

ROLL CALL!

• The woman whom, upon being introduced to me by a friend of my media chica and being told I was “Gustavo Arellano,” scrunched her face and said in front of me, my media chica, and her friend, “I’m not particularly fond of his work” as if I wasn’t there. LESSON: I tell my friends to NEVER introduce me as “Gustavo Arellano,” because it’s presumptious — I’m just a Mexican with glasses.

• The scion of an iconic Orange County business I used to patronize for years, which remains in operation in a smaller space but is still good, who would always give me the weirdest looks. I finally told a mutual friend of ours what was up with that guy, and my friend said “He just wonders what your about” aka homeboy thought I was a leftist scumbag for my articles even though I was a regular customer and had written many, MANY nice things about his family’s business. I’ve never shopped at that store since. LESSON: Wannabe rockabillies tend not to be nice.

• Bobby Hatfield, the falsetto voice of the Righteous Brothers aka the guy who sang lead on “Unchained Melody” aka the guy who called the Infernal Rag “lowlife cocksuckers” shortly before his death from cocaine because I had some not-nice things to say about his group. That inspired me tell the story in the Infernal Rag about how my high school history teacher — a son of Dixie and former Marine who nevertheless loved his overwhelmingly Latino students — told us that Hatfield refused to perform at our alma mater, Anaheim High, during the 1980s because the singer felt the school had too many Latino students. I’ve never listened to “Lil’ Latin Lupe Lu” the same ever since. LESSON: Don’t fight people who keep anecdotes in their holster ready to go like Wyatt Earp with his long-ass revolver.

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• The L.A. political operative whom I already knew didn’t like me because we get into it every time we see each other, but whose level of animosity toward me is such that he said I was “too Orange County” to a friend of his who’s not in the game but is a fan of mine and whose first-ever email to me was about him telling me this story, and also telling the operative that I was cool. LESSON: Don’t mess with Anacrime.

• The THE Ohio State University professor who, upon learning I was going to give a lecture there, tried to orchestrate a campaign against me that might’ve involved a Twitter account but I can’t even remember because I had to cancel the event because I had another event, yet the guy did a victory lap and claimed he stopped me from lecturing at THE Ohio State University. Nericcio remembers! LESSON: Jim Harbaugh is cool.

• The journalism fellowship committee members who were so disgusted that a journalist peer of me told them I was a great reporter that they denied her said fellowship, and told her they couldn’t take seriously anyone who thought I was anything other than a hack. LESSON: Those who can’t report, teach; those who can’t teach journalism, sit on committees.

• The comedian who once had a hit sketch show on cable who, upon being told by a staff writer I should be brought on as a consultant, said “Fuck Gustavo Arellano” and quashed that idea, an anecdote I told him when he begged me years later to write an article to help his cratered career. LESSON: Don’t steal jokes.

• The club co-owner who tried to throw down with me at a party after I wrote how he illegally threw away copies of the Infernal Rag, all because the cover featured Dubya flipping the bird. I reminded him I was such a flaming liberal that I was the only English-language publication that repeatedly wrote about his business, and that only my respect for his brother was stopping me from kicking his slovenly ass right there and then. LESSON: Five pushups every morning go a long way.

• The mom of an ex who didn’t want her daughter to date me because she thought I was a gang member because she was one big ol’ racist. Irony of ironies: my ex went on to date nothing but Mexicans before marrying one. LESSON: Cholo nerds make great son-in-laws.

• The drunk boyfriend-in-law of the jerezano family I was interviewing during a Pepe Aguilar “Jaripeo sin Fronteras” show at the Staples Center who kept interrupting our talk. Beto Duran saw it all, and knew the guy, and said homeboy was jealous of me. LESSON: #betosabe

• The UC Irvine students at Peet’s Coffee who were working on a group project about how harmful my former columna was, who told me how much they loathed it when I noticed the logo blown up on someone’s laptop and asked what they were doing, whose eyes widened when I revealed who I was, and who declined to interview me when I offered myself up. LESSON: When life gives you lemonade, don’t turn into a lemon.

And now, a poll!

**

Enough rambling. This was the semana that was:

IMAGE OF THE WEEK: My media chica and Hook at Frosted Faces in Ramona, California, where we adopted him and Cosmo and which specializes in rescuing senior dogs. In the distance is a banner with Cosmo and Hook the boys gave their mami for Christmas.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “How would Lubitsch do it?” — A sign inside Billy Wilder’s office

LISTENING: “Love You So,” Ron Holden. Back when I had Hollywood dreams, I planned to use this song to play in the end credits of a melodrama — it’s the last track on Art Laboe’s “Memories of El Monte,” a wistful slow dance of a solo with a light Latin feel and a hell of a saxophone solo. Those dreams are long gone, but my respect for the song isn’t.

READING: “The Richard Serra Sculpture That Was Just Too Much for Paris”: Hyperallergic is cool, although I wish they paid freelancers better (the sole reason I never wrote for them when I had a chance — and I’d write for ANYONE). I’m a Richard Serra fan, so to read about how Paris hated him to the point of putting one of his pieces one step above a scrapheap was simultaneously sad and sublime.

BUY MY NEW CO-BOOK! People’s Guide to Orange County tells an alternative history of OC through the scholarship and reporting of myself, Elaine Lewinnek, and Thuy Vo Dang. There’ll be signings FOREVER — in meanwhile, buy your copy TODAY. And, yes: I’ll autograph it!

Gustavo Events  

April 17, 6 p.m.: I’m going to be in conversation with Profe Natalia Molina, Macarthur genius and author of the splendid A Place at the Nayarit, which is now in paperback. We’ll be at the Whittier Public Library, 7344 Washington Ave. It’s a ticketed event, so call 562-567-9900 to find out how to get them, and how much will it cost, and what we’re going to talk about!

April 21: I’m going to be at the L.A. Times Festival of Books at USC— for sure in conversation with author Hector Tobar, but probably more events as well. Attendance is FREE, but you gotta make reservations for at least Hector — details next week!

Gustavo in the News

“Inside Scoop”: The L.A. Times’ internal newsletter about L.A. Timespeople highlighted me and my colleagues who broke the Shohei Ohtani gambling desmadre.

“4 key ingredients to happiness, according to scientists and our readers”: An L.A. Times newsletter you should subscribe to promotes a columna of mine.

“Judge cites Antifa when rejecting prison for white supremacist’s former associate”: Meghan Cuniff’s legal affairs newsletter captures me in action!

Gustavo Stories 

“Grítale a Guti”: Latest edition of my Tuesday night IG Live free-for-all.

“Free speech v. privacy: Limiting protests near homes in OC”: My latest KCRW “Orange County Line” commentary talks about SanTana and Irvine trying to make life easier for politicians.

“Why many Latinos are calling for a cease-fire in Gaza”: My latest L.A. Times columna talks about the Latino-majority cities in Southern California doing what the headline says. KEY QUOTE: “Such a statement, however, belies fears among American Jewish leaders that they’re losing Latinos over the Palestinian question.”

“He admitted to punching a reporter. A judge wished him “best of luck”: My next latest L.A. Times columna examines the laughable end to a story I’ve been reporting on for seven years because it involved the Infernal Rag. KEY QUOTE: “I stepped out of the courtroom to wait for Laube and McNicholas. The moment they saw me, their woe-is-Tyler act stopped.”

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